I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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