You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
