I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
