Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
