I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
