Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no you cant smoke seaweed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
