spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
