she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
