I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
