i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
