i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize