fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
