I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
