i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
FUCK WHALES
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
