Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
