I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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