hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
