so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
