So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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