I'm jealous of your bromance
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
