I'm lost and stupid without you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
