Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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