Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
