And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize