i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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