just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
