The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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