...so i touched it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
