I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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