I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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