Cold hands, warm shart.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
