please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize