just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorry my hands just texted you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
