I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
