I didn't shave. On purpose
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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