It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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