Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
