the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
