shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
