Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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