He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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