i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
