If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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