'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
