New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
