I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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