id be glad to
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
