Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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