She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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