are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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