the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
