as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
