I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
