The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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