I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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