you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
