I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i will never coherently bang her
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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