my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
