weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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