We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
