those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
