Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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