We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
